For 14 long years, Ulcerative Colitis consumed me. It wasn’t just the physical pain — though that alone was unbearable. It was the hopelessness, the depression, and the fear that came with it. UC stole so much from me and left me feeling like a shadow of myself.
There were days I felt completely hopeless, wondering if I could keep going. I was scared of what the future held and exhausted from trying to keep my life together while battling constant pain. The embarrassment of flare-ups, the fear of not making it to a bathroom, the endless cycle of medications that wreaked havoc on my body — it all left me feeling defeated. At my lowest points, I even thought about ending my life. That is something I carry guilt for now, because today I love my life so much, and I’m grateful I held on through the darkest moments.
Back then, I was surviving on 18 pills a day and injections once or twice a month, just trying to find some form of relief. Each new medication felt like another gamble, another reminder that I wasn’t in control of my own body, thus not in control of my life. The physical toll was heavy, but the emotional toll was crushing.
UC touched every part of my life. It dictated how I worked, how I parented, how I showed up in relationships, and how I saw myself. E+very day was a battle to put on a brave face while carrying pain, fear, and isolation inside.
My surgeries — as scary as they were — became the turning point. My ostomy gave me back something I thought I had lost forever: hope. It gave me freedom from pain, freedom from living in fear, and a second chance at life. Today, I no longer just exist — I thrive. And the guilt I once felt has been replaced by gratitude. I love my life, my ostomy, and the opportunities I now have to help others see that there is life, joy, and strength beyond the bag.
